GO DEEP WITHIN AND CONNECT
It is easy to connect beads with wire, when one is making a chain for Rosary, but it is hard to connect oneself with what is within. Now a days, people are intelligent, very smart in recreating new things. They find easier to connect one thing with the other so to make them one. We often have experienced it from computers, such that when there is no internet connection, do not be discouraged because we know how to “reconnect”. Thanks to the technology invention.
On August 6, 2019, I started the canonical year for my Novitiate together with my two companions Rosita and Priyanka. We join in the group of eight who came from Macau. It was great to start a new journey with them. As we all know that canonical year is a time to discern, pray constantly, to create a deep relationship and move closer to the Lord.
Along the journey I found something very strange. I was very confident that nothing will disturb me that, I will be walking on a smooth road with no hassles and stones. I thought I will be always up and about, will be perfect and remain always in a comfort zone. But it was not so.
I realized that, the closer I get to Him, the more I am tempted to fall. I experience anger, hatred, pride, jealousy, and my ego would be triggered upside down, within. I wanted to pull me out from my faithful One. Yet, I am convinced that the sins committed are not greater than God’s grace since I noticed that the more I stumble, more and more of God´s graces fill me. This reminded me that Jesus was tempted too, by the devil in the desert but, he did not fall because He trusts not only in Himself, but also in the Father. Now I realized that the emotion or feeling that I have is not a hindrance to me in this journey toward God’s kingdom because it is fleeting, I am not alone, and He is always walking with me.
What matters is the constant awareness in my life is: “Am I faithful to my Yes?” Am I ready to say it forever? It is a challenge because a true yes must not just be from my lips but, it must come from within, with sincere heart and I must go deep within and connect. As what I said at the start, “to connect oneself with what is within” is not as easy as connecting the beads with wire. Journey toward oneself is a task of a lifetime. It requires of me a lot of cooperation, courage and support. Besides, it needs time to connect.
True, I am a sinner, that only God can control my life but still, He wants me to strive on and take the first step, to discern and decide. He wants me to use my potential, He wants me to strive doing better in life. Though there may be chaos and disorder within me, but I believe God will eventually lead me on and take care of it all for I know, He dwells within me. Therefore, He has that power infused in me to rule over me.
Pope Francis once said: “When you feel the temptation to dwell in your own weakness, raises your eyes to Christ crucified and say; Lord I am a poor sinner but you can work miracle of making me a little bit better.”
Lately, I begin to open my heart and discover that it is through my weakness that I found the strength of God. Yes, sinning time and again, is almost always from my own choice and decision. Despite that every moment I am trying to be a good Religious, living out what I have learned outside and inside the convent. Every day is a new beginning. The past is history, the future is a mystery yet to know but, as many would say: the present is a gift from God.
Living in diversity of cultures and beliefs is a great challenge and can bring with it, great joy. Each one of us can come out with our own style, creativity, talents, skills, hobbies, and uniqueness to make community life more meaningful. Yes, we are different and yet we are united.
I am trying my very best every moment to count the blessings not the burdens, above all, to celebrate that life is beautiful if we stay connected with God.
Quezon City Philippines